Month: January 2015

Beauty and marriage

Many women are worried about their looks. I don’t really have to explain much about it. Sufficient to quote someone from endless forums around: “I’ve never seen a woman who would be truly beautiful without make up.” Personally, I think it’s ridiculous. Many people wouldn’t, though. This is where being endlessly bombarded by photoshopped pictures…

Reasons for victim blaming

If you read about people in trouble, or victims of violence or political circumstances… do you find reasons why such things wouldn’t happen to you? “I would have done differently in such a situation”, “If I was her, I would’ve tried to escape”, “It’s their mentality, why don’t they fight against oppression?”, or, in a…

Are you critical to others?

Criticism can have different causes, but one often overlooked is fear. Is it difficult for you to set boundaries? Do you have trouble saying “No”, or do you avoid conflicts? If you doubt your ability to defend yourself, you might expect people to know in advance where your boundaries are, and respect them without you…

Do you feel taken for granted? Abuse and unconditional love

A common pattern in unhealthy relationships is when (at least) one of the partners takes the other for granted, perhaps being aggressive, manipulative or dismissive – but when the other partner decides to leave, the first suddenly starts acting like an abandoned puppy. The abuser then apologizes, pleads, brings gifts, swears eternal love, promises to…

5 reasons to hate manipulation

Quite often, when discussing or reading discussions about manipulative marketing and other ways in which individuals cheat other people out of their hard-earned money (or time, or energy, or anything), I see people admiring skillful manipulators. Many will describe successful manipulators as “smart”, “brilliant strategists”, basically as people to follow and model. Some people are…

Religion and tribal instincts

Some time last autumn, I was chatting with an acquaintance about toxic beliefs from childhood. He said he was surprised that many people avoid changing such beliefs, sometimes finding excuses, sometimes even reacting with hostility if they disagree with others’ opinions. I said (approximately): “It’s because we bond to our families with such beliefs, and…